I don’t recall their names anymore. I met them in a quiet room in the local hospital. They had just been told about an hour earlier that their unborn baby had passed away.
To back up for a moment, at the time I was a co-pastor in my first congregation. I was approached to be volunteer chaplain at the hospital just down the street from our church. There was a full-time staff chaplain, but on weekends and on his holidays, local pastors would fill in as volunteers. There were enough pastors doing it that I’d only actually be on call a couple of times each year. It seemed like a great way to serve in the community, so I signed on. Throughout my time of doing this, I think I was called to the hospital three times. This was one of those times.
It was a Saturday and the pager went off. I called the hospital and they explained that someone was asking to see a chaplain. They didn’t detail the circumstances, so I had no idea of what I was going to encounter. The hospital was only a 10 minute walk from the manse and as I walked over, I prayed for wisdom and the right words to speak.
A nurse led me to the room and briefly explained the situation. I took a deep breath and walked in. I shook their hands and introduced myself. I told them how sorry I was to hear about their loss. I asked them if they were Christians and they said, “No.” Things just became more challenging.
So then I asked them why they asked to see me. I was thinking: if you’re not a Christian, why would you want to see a Christian chaplain? They explained that they wanted me “to do something” for their baby. I asked what they had in mind. They said, “Whatever it is that you religious-type people do for a baby in situations like this. We just want something to be done for our baby.”
If this had been a Christian couple, I would have known what to do. After all, our church has the Canons of Dort as one of its confessions. We have an article (1.17) that deals explicitly with the children of believers dying in infancy. Because of God’s covenant promises, “God-fearing parents ought not to doubt the election and salvation of their children whom God calls out of this life in their infancy.” I believe the Bible teaches this position. It’s allowed me to give great comfort to Christian parents who’ve experienced early infant loss. However, we don’t have a confessional article on “Children of Unbelievers Who Die in Infancy.” That’s just as well, because the Bible says nothing explicit on it either. That has led some to speculate one way or another. Me, I’d prefer not to be the speculative type. Some things are hidden from us and better left in God’s hands (Deut. 29:29).
In a situation like this, I believe it’s better to focus on what we know for certain. I don’t know anything about the eternal destiny of this baby. That’s not for me to say. But I do know for certain three things about God.
The first is that he is good and he does good (Ps. 119:68). Every decision he makes is good. Every action he takes is good. No one can impugn God’s character.
The second thing about God is that he is just. Abraham said it in Gen. 18:25, “Shall not the Judge of all the earth do what is just?” Of course he will. Whatever he decided to do with the baby of these unbelievers, it was just. That is beyond question.
The final thing I know for sure about God is that he is merciful. In his mercy, he even makes the sun rise and the rain fall on the unjust (Matt. 7:45). In Luke 6:35, Jesus says that the Most High “is kind to the ungrateful and the evil.” Therefore we’re to be merciful, just like he is merciful.
Yes, I know there are other biblical truths that bear on this question. For example, the Bible teaches that we’re all conceived and born in sin. Even the baby in the womb is contaminated with the curse of original sin and deserving of damnation. But even then, the Bible also teaches that there are degrees of cursedness. Those who have heard the gospel and rejected it are far more accountable than those who have never heard (Matt. 11:24). Most accountable of all are God’s covenant people. What this all means for the destiny of the children of unbelievers who die in infancy, I dare not say. I dare not because I also don’t know what happens if this couple later become Christians – if they become part of God’s covenant people through faith in Christ, does Canons 1.17 then apply retroactively to this child they lost? While I’d like to think so, I don’t know. I will say that all of this does compel us to share the gospel with whomever we can – the need is urgent.
Back in the room at the hospital, I told the couple, “There is something I can do. I can pray for you.” They said that they’d appreciate that very much. So that’s what I did. In my prayer, I mentioned those three things about God that I know for certain: his goodness, justice, and mercy. My prayer acknowledged him as the one only true God and I simply said, “We trust that you have done what is best with this baby.” I prayed that God would help the couple to know him better. After praying, they kindly thanked me for coming, we shook hands, and parted ways. Though I think of them often, I never heard from them again. I pray that God did work with his Spirit in their lives.
There are some situations where we simply have to be humble and admit we don’t have the answers. God has revealed many things to us, but there are things he holds back. But in the things revealed he gives what he has determined to be enough. In the age to come, he may reveal the answers to these sorts of questions. But he also may not. He hasn’t promised he will. Whether he does or not, in the hereafter the urgency of our questions will evaporate. We’ll be so consumed with communing with Christ that these questions won’t even matter anymore. I look forward to that.
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